Why do “bleeding hearts” suggest driving poor lost souls to counseling…when we are all DRIVEN to counseling every day by–each other? Ba rum pum!

What a news day: Mark McGwire=steroids (big shock?), Sarah Palin=Fox News commentator (“fair and balanced”?), Simon Cowell=leaving American Idol (“pitchy” singers relieved?) Didn’t ever think I’d see a news day in which three people I could CARE LESS about make all the headlines. Yeesh.

Letterman thrives continually as the out-dated smart-ass; Leno became “blue” and consequently pathetic; Conan characterized by “creative” and “unique” thus he drowns in this world which displays no taste but for the jugular!

Sarah baby such a neat and tidy little vacuous package of all that the extreme RIGHT cheers. A marvel that she won’t simply walk right into the oval office at which time her supposedly exorcised witchcraft ignites all kinds of folks’ burning at the stake, yet her own morality so precarious in and of itself. Ah, the perfect candidate! Wise up, America. Read the CRUCIBLE!

Never thought that Bette Davis would be the superior actor in a forties’ film (DARK VICTORY). Time to give her a retro-chance! Bogart, Reagan, George Brent, Geraldine Fitzgerald all seem senior high school play material. Bette, the supporting actors, and the horses truly natural and superb.

Thanks to Hans Christian Andersen, the Brothers Grimm, Danny Kaye, my dad, and Victor Mature for contributing to my philosophy of life…and for all of the morality tales one need ever reference. (This message secret-coded.)

Okay….this one cries out, “Limerick!” Once knew a guy so vain he even painted his teeth white. Either that cosmetic crap still going on today or celebrities and wannabe celebs possess fantastic dental insurance while others suffer bankruptcy. Also, what’s with all the capping? Appears as if “glamour-braces” are in vogue. Bright camera lights reveal, in all instances, their secrets. Gimme those Dickens/PBS green, ivory, yellow crooked actual dentures any old day. Let’s get real again? (Which elicited the followng response from a former language arts student of mine):

“there once was a vain guy with teeth white,
who always ate pizza at midnight,
mozzarella went ‘snap’,
and he said, ‘Oh Crap’,
as his dentures flew off to a new height.”

Apologies to Phil Black. If stress is so bad for us, then Neanderthals would no longer be alive and thriving and roaming the earth. Dinosaurs really should have tried a little harder?

One heavy lifting job after another…time to pause for a cigarette break…to avoid heart failure.

I shall never debate the SUPERNATURAL…logic defies such a discussion. Nothin’ but the facts, ma’am.

CHATBOX makes me as jumpy as a spider monkey in a room full of rocking chairs. Apologies for paraphrasing to Tennessee Ernie Ford.

“Uploading your registry hives might take awhile. You should close all browsers to make sure immunization successful. Loading Spybot Search & Destroy.”

My pockets are inside out.

Did Gloria Steinem ever say that males exist to be adored and rank always above reproach, or did I? In facetious response to an unbalanced power structure where fickle females trample one another hustling to the “winning side” of the fulcrum in a demented game of RED ROVER, RED ROVER?

His blended brand of feistiness and kindness needs to be bottled and sold.

My dad: I observed an unsung, sometimes underappreciated, quiet hero when I finally got my head twisted on straight. He once reminded me of Danny Thomas on MAKE ROOM FOR DADDY…a real powerhouse and so dynamic that you needed to get outta his way. However, he possessed native intelligence and actually saw mostly only the good in people. His heart broke easily when nastiness happened, and so does mine. That’s why I keep my sewing basket handy to stitch up the wounds and to try again another day. It ain’t easy, kinda like ice-skating. LOOKS easy, but sure ain’t….easy!

Short paragraphs got no reason to live. Apologies for paraphrasing to Randy Newman.

Pet peeve? People who chatter about “pet peeves”! That expression as retro as mustard seeds or four-leaf clovers suspended in air-bubble charms on tarnished fifties’ ankle-bracelets.

Shouldn’t the elderly engage in knitting or gardening rather than facebooking? Nah! This popular phenomenon shouts out the only signs of pulsating, checkered, ageless, hypocritical, fascinating, humorous, honest, heart-warming, addictive-or-not, informative, pretentious, mind-blowing, hilariously satisfying, photo-sharing LIFE these days. Well into my sixties now, I live there in that representative and cross-sectioned “slice-of-life”, and I relish those shared experiences beyond my wildest dreams!

“I never ever believed I would become this old.” Apologies to Harry Staley.